One thing that this life has taught me is that no matter what I do, believe in, write about or concern myself about, somebody is going to be mad. Loathing is just a national pastime to everybody, irregardless of race, culture, sexual preferences and economic background.
I believe though that a more mature approach in handling hatred , jealousies and certain negative emotions are all a matter of breeding, social disposition , mental health and fear of the Lord. And maybe , by just reading this, you say “YIKES”, so preachy. But guess what? I don’t mind.
I am sure that if a blog consisted nothing than the usual goody old shoes as ” I hope you have a nice day today because mine is just great,” somebody from nowhere would readily respond “What do you mean you hope I have a nice day? It was a lousy morning to start with, you moron.” If Dutchie friend 2 hears about this kind of response, he would automatically say “ En die ---- (mention a person's name to fill in the blank) die moet gewoon genomen worden”. Translated in English, it is : And that (name of person or my name) just needs to be taken swiftly, lol. Most things about mental maturity including this type of bantering between us, we don't take too personally. We find a lot of things fun and that approach bind us strongly. Hmm…but wait, we also disagree on certain trifles. Major concerns are so far agreeable between us which is good.
And still, somebody else would perhaps, prefer to say: “ I hate people like you who wants to stay positive who make me feel I am not and who tell me to have a nice day because, I’m going to have any kind of day I want."
If I try to say “God bless you” to just about anyone (which I normally do), some of you will find yourselves hounded by questions as “Is this politically correct? What is she saying?”. And maybe, I would get hate mails from different sectors with a somebody shouting at the top of his lungs ” I’m an atheist, so keep the blessings to yourself, you insensitive b---ch”
Well today, Dutchie friend 2 just finished airing out one of his more serious incessant complains. My personal views follow zoals gewoonlijk (as usual). My side: If you can’t take it, stop complaining and do something about it. It’s either you leave the situation or get stuck with it.
I usually go soft and contemplative initially, studying out all the angles prior to commenting. But a good 3 years of honest-to-goodness friendship will warrant a more truthful attack. Most specially when the complain is about a person causing irrational daily burdens which most saintly-demeanored people would say “ Couples go through this”- whoa! Pleasee... Okay, okay. I admit! I have once, maybe twice…err…thrice or more, given this line as a sincere advice. But well, to me, this advice befits 2 normally rational people in a relationship and not one, being normally irrational. Get it? The scale must not that be imbalanced , hey! Critically essential to me is when conspicuous attitudes still surface when one is already in their 30’s. Sweet Jesus! Pleasee. I just cannot take extremely immature behavior. Really! Being childlike sometimes is cute, but acting childish is different. Better leave that to the unruly tots who are still considered endearing inspite of their mess and unusual demands.
And so anyway, no matter how close we can get, that friend and I had quite an argument.
Me: " I have heard that a thousand times. Are you just challenged with what keeps on going on or what? Don't you ever send me images of something with NV." (NV is Negative Vibes in our own acronymed lingo. We both are fond of engaging in this time saving ritual of ours,lol)
Dutchie Friend 2 : ”You are hitting hard on ------! You better go to church! You better pray! ”
Me : “ I thought I can say anything without you being so affected. You TOLD me that first day, remember? And you keep on telling me this: “Nothing can make me mad”. Hence, the comments. When you complain ( He normally does-- Well, he is Dutch, lol!) about these things, I am open to my own opinion which you normally would accept, right? And you do these to me so liberally as well. We do these most times, commenting on each other’s stories and all else. If you don’t want the truth, then don’t talk to me. NEVER, EVER complain to me giving me a FULL account of your disappointments when you know very well I , myself get affected out of my concern. Or maybe, you cannot face the truth”?
Dutchie Friend 2 : “ Awwww”
Me: “Oh hey, I need to go”
He even managed to say some things which are truly hurtful inspite of the fact that I am just pretty much concerned.
Dutchie Friend 2 : “You are filled with hatred and jealousy. Oh, this is ---- and not ------. Sorry.
And he said this with a sarcastic tone.
Me: What ?
This, I uttered in a truly amused manner, feeling hurt ,wishing and admonishing myself that I let go with my concern.
I guess it took us 3-4 days to truly patch things up between us. I aired my pent up side , some valid concerns, and well, some apologies if ever I made him feel that way. He wasted no time explaining his side too and said he was partly joking as he likes teasing me so much, wanting to test my reaction. I would have to agree he does but that specific moment, I cannot be convinced he was. My problem? No. I was cocksure, he wasn’t that time. But it has been like this with the both of us. Arguing but never to the point of not making up and trying to understand each other. I guess this is what makes our unique friendship grow. When one is wrong, that person admits it and when we both are uncertain who is right, we are sorry for things that might have caused hurt to both of us. And we always manage to erase unnecessary trivialities that usually mar a good friendship. Oh, but well, we are also strong on pointing out other things that have caused us to feel certain hostile emotions. And just like it is with us, all is swell and well again.
Moral of the lesson: The Dutch are strong minded individuals, I would agree. But when faced with the truth, they can sometimes not accept it bravely. Generally, they can take things in stride with great nonchalance. But, a direct observation into their lives no matter how close you can get to them will tell you that they are just like most people. They feel slighted even though you meant concern. Sometimes, they also have to learn not to take things personally when it’s really what's supposed to mean.But don't be misled - I love almost every inch of Dutch in DF2 (Dutchie Friend 2).